Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
