She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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