I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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