i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
