There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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