He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
