I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
last night I used snow as a chaser
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