Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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