I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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