He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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