i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
