holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
