I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
