dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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