She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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