Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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