i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Houston, we have a blender
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
