First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
