can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
