winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
