Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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