If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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