So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't EVER smell your tampon
God, you're like boner-b-gone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
