I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
