you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
