I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
