My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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