Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
