all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
