my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
