I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
