Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
