she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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