I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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