Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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