that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
