Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
