His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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