I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
