just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You don't make any sense
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