My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
