I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
