some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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