This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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