Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
