I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
