Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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