Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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