I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I need water and some morals
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