i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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