i think my tv is drunk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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