I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
