My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
