you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
