We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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