I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
