just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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