i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
