i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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