Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
