...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
