you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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