Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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