last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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