that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
