omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
