I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
