You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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