I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
