forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
