Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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