it's like iHOP with fire
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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