I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
