i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
