too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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